My Heart Is Heavy

First, stop reading this. Ok, not quite yet. But stop for a minute. Stay quiet. Think about those affected by the unspeakable act of violence in Boston today. Just observe a moment in their honor.

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Ok. I know everyone is talking about this. I won’t be any different. I am a huge mix of emotions right now. I was not directly affected, and only know a couple of people through running networks(not personally) that were affected and injured. So I can’t begin to actually imagine the pain that those directly involved are feeling. I won’t act like I do. But I am a runner. Today is not about slow or fast, distance runners or 5k runners, those who work for years to achieve the big dance at the Boston Marathon or those of us(like me) who will never stand a chance. We are family. I feel like I’m waiting for word on someone, I feel like someone hurt my friends. I’m lost, I’m hurt, and I’m angry.

I know what it’s like to lose a loved one, I’ve lost a child. After all that I went through over my first 21 or so years, I consider myself pretty tough emotional. It takes a lot to shake me, let alone make me cry. I don’t think I’ve cried since the Newtown shooting in December. That broke my heart. I cried on and off for three days. But I’ve stayed solid since then. Until today.

The Boston Marathon is the mecca of races. People train for years in hopes and dreams of this race. Runners have to qualify for entrance. Runners and spectators come from around the world. Somebody took advantage of that, and this breaks my heart. Information is scattered right now, and we don’t have any real answers, except for the fact that people are dead, maimed and injured, children included. Many of the runners had the race of their dreams cut short, unable to cross the finish line. So many affected, and our nation in shock.

In memory of those who lost their lives today(early reports say an 8 year old child was killed, the age of my oldest child), tomorrow I will be wearing my PHM race shirt. I will hop on my treadmill, and I will pound out the miles, whether walking or trying to run, because there is now a group of people who are unable to run. I hope you will join me.

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